This is the 7th week of school, and it is utterly ridiculous that I am just now sitting down and writing my first entry. I've written a thousand posts in my brain, usually recited in a fit of rage as I drive home from work. I have had "Start teaching blog" on my to-do list every weekend since mid-August. Not kidding. In fact, it would be funny to show those to-do lists, but they are buried somewhere in my disastrous office, where another bullet point on the list also reads "Clean office". Clearly I'm in survival mode here.
But I've also been in a deliberate separate-home-from-school mode, which is laughable. I think about my students all day, all night, just like I think about my own children all day, all night. Teaching is who I am, it's not just what I do, and to think I could separate it out from certain sections of my existence is unrealistic and naive. I also know, however, that I have to be productive in my thoughts, or I will flounder in a funnel cloud of worry and despair - which I've done more times than I'd like to admit, and frankly it's not pretty. So here I am. This is my space to reflect, to celebrate, to complain, to brainstorm, to get some things off my chest so my poor husband can stop getting an earful every night.
I'm determined to start on a good note, which is perhaps the other reason why I'm just now writing this. It has been rough. Very, very rough. I'm so freaking tired I could burst into tears at just about any moment of the day. But yesterday? Yesterday was good.
So here I begin. Yesterday was good. Angel was absent. I'm sorry, but if I can't be honest here then what's the point? Yesterday was good because Angel was absent. More on him later. Trust me.
Yesterday was good. Rigo only got up 4 times during my read-aloud. A new record. We're making progress, one painful, frustrating step at a time.
Yesterday was good. Avril, the silent mute for all of last year and 7 seven weeks of this year? She talked today. It still gives me goosebumps on my arms and tears in my eyes. More on her later too.
Yesterday was good. We found a katydid in the leaf box. It was a complete accident - the children had been bringing in nature items they've found outside to sort in the classroom, and at the bottom of the box where we had dumped everything, there was a bright green, sort-of-alive katydid. It was just the sort of happy surprise / teaching moment that I needed. More on that later as well - the teaching moments, not the katydid. It's dead already.
Because even though it's dead, it leaves me hopeful. Hopeful for more moments of surprise and delight and learning that temporarily make me forget Angel jumping off his chair and Rigo trying to gag himself and Avril staring silently at me for so long.
Here's to more not-quite-dead katydids.
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